Between a rock and a hard place with another rock above me.

This morning I got and did my homework and made myself some breakfast which included; two while eggs scrambled, a few peices of sliced chicken, cheese, and toast.

I went to the gym for a chest workout. The workout went well. When it comes to chest I am only lifting a mid leave weight meaning, if 35lbs is to light and 55lbs is to heavy then I will lift 45lbs. At the gym I used dumb bells for my lifts. I did bench press, flys, incline press, and push ups. By the time it came to the push ups I could barely lift myself up... I hate push ups anyway.... grrrrr......

I have come up with a logical hypothisis about MY anatomy. If working out my chest using heavy weights is causing my chest to grow in size BUT also is making my arms look smaller im appearance then I will lift a mid level weight to lean my chest and keep my strength training without having my chest over power my arms. Contrast to this I will be lifting heavier weights for arms to increase the size.

Inside joke: if P, then Q.

After todays workout I was considering taking a yoga class at the gym again. I think the last time I did yoga was in the spring of 09. I like it because not only is it relaxing, it is also helpful for streching and stengthening muscles.

At home I cleaned up and did some laundry, feed the dogs, and got ready for school.

News Flash!!!!!!!

I got a call from my manager at GNC. He asked me if I was available to work tomorrrow night. He explained that the guy who also works there has quit and there are days that are not covers. I said yes, I get to an additonal day of training to learn how to close.

I went to school and had to park two blocks away.. AGAIN! That is so lame, I even bought a parking permit for the school and I am not even using it. Its very interesting in class, my instructor is Libyan and she is very nice, and it appears more and more students are Muslims. I am not sure if my instructor is or is not but the presence of this cultural group is getting more notice in my class. I am not racist or anything but it was a bit shocking to see a woman in my class with a tattoo on her right hand of the crescent moon and star. It is really pagan symbo because it predates their history and religion, El Yay for pagan symbols lol. The funny thing is, in Christianity you are taught that your body is a temple meaning watch what you put into it and what you put on it such as tattoos. We are taught that tattoos are bad and they are ruining God's work.


LEVITICUS 19:28 — "You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the LORD.


Does this not mean she should be stoned to death or something..............?

After class I headed home and had a pickle. Then I had some chips, and moved on to making hotdogs. I was still hungry and left to Wendys for a burger..... I am so bad.

FATE: has many twist and turns

Last night after the gym I was not hungry but I kept thinking about eating. I flipped a quarter to see, heads that its ok to get some food late at night, or tails that it is not ok to eat this late. I flipped and it landed on tails. I tried it again and it landed on tails. I then started to work around the odd and I finally convinced myself that a roommate of mine who gets off of work around midnight might be hungry and I should get them something to eat. Since I am getting them something to eat and I was already at the restaurant I might as well get me something too.

I went to taco cabana and at first I wanted something small and cheap. This turned in to something more and with extra condoments. I left there with a chicken burrito for my friend and a large beef nacho plate with beans, rice, guacamole, and extra cheese. I went home and sat down and ate... I ate it all, omg I regret it now and feel super guilty.

This morning I had to work at the store and got there a little early as usually. A pon my arrive I noticed the gate to the store looked bent perhaps someone tired to break in.

Long story short, the store manager told me he called the guy who closed that night and asked him what had happen. The explanation is the door would not close right so he stood on it and used his body weight to pull the gate down. The manager told me that the guy who did this is also a pot head (because he told him) and this was the second time he has broken the gate. I asked him why he didn't fire him a long time ago, he didn't give me  real answer, I think he was afraid to do so. Unfortunately this caused the gate to become off track and stuck, not able to open or close. To top it off the door was not even locked. So as you know I must be at the store by 9:30am to open, but since the gate was broken we were not able to get into the store till 10:45am. 

Once work was over I went to lunch at a local Chinese restaurant called China Dragon, http://www.cncdragon.com. I had the honey chicken... so good. Then I went home to do some laundry and take care of the dogs. While relaxing I watched Jeepers Creepers 1 and 2. 

I went to the gym and worked out on back. I  tired to lift as heavy as I could but its hard with out a spotter to help. I think I will work out on chest tomorrow.  I used the T-Bar, Cable Rolls, and a three piece cardio workout incorporating a barbell doing Dead Lifts, Good Mornings, and Barbell Rolls. After working out I jumped in the hot tub... that was so relaxing. I drank my protein and creatine post workout mix. My legs and my back feel a lot better. I did notice that my lats and lower back will look wide and  to me unattractive. I need to find a way to thin that out  and get that area tighter. 

Its almost time to go to bed. G-NITE

Busy Bee

No gym yesterday.

This morning as I got ready for work I was in shock. My slacks did not fit, but just last week they did. Have I gained that much weight within one week? I jumped on the scale and saw that I was 180lbs. This is both good and bad. Good because I am trying to bulk up to 200lbs and then start leaning out to get ripped. This weight is bad at the same time because this means there is another pair of slacks I no longer fit into. It just didnt make sence. I went back into my closet and saw another gray colored slacks. I tired them on and they fit. Thank you lord, my slacks fit. This still means I have about 5 pairs of slacks which I can not fit into and only 2 pair which I can. I dont want to get into it but none of my dress close fit me, they are all to small.

I had my morning protein drink and I had half a can of tuna. I left to work and got there at 9:10am and I waited. Its already 9:30 and my supervisor, the dude who is training me is not here..

Work went by fast and I did learn more about customer service like, if a customer comes in asking for a cleanser for a drug test, I an supose to refuse service and have them leave the store. GNC does carry produces to conceal and cleans the body from toxins but it is not meant to be sold for the perpose of hiding the fact someone is a pot head from a drug test screening.

After work I went home for lunch and had lunch which was an egg and turkey bacon sandwich... yum! I spend my time as usuall when I am home, watching YouTube. For the past 2 days I have been watching videos posted by this guy whos user name is Discovering Religion. These videos are not debating that there is or there is not a God, but wants people to look at the historical records found from fociles and scientific studies which prove that the world is billions and billions of years old and the time frame of the bible can not be taken litterally as fact to base that evidence is older then what the bible can document which is only about 2000 years. For more information please visit. http://discoveringreligion.net/

It was then time to head out for class. This semester I am taking my class at the down town location which is about 20 minutes away from my house in Pflugerville. I left the house at 6pm antisapating traffic since I was headed downtown and to look for parking. To my unexpected dismay I arrived at 6:20 and I was about 40 minutes early.......Grrrrrrrrrrr!

What makes things worse that the school parking lot suck and there is never any places to park. I am forced to park my car about two blocks away... in the dark, in possible no parking zones, or pay to park- which I do not.

I planned on going to the gym after class and work on lats and maybe back.

Climbing the Tower

 Morning ritual of fruit and protein then a new ingredient to my plan... the return of Lipo 6 Black. I love this stiff. It energizes me without giving me the shakes. I am in a better mood. I can control my eating. Today at the gym I worked out on shoulders. I started with a pyramid workout then two other cable workouts.

After the gym the usually post workout mix followed by a hair cut. I really like how it cam out. Its on on the top and fades down the back like a short mohawk.

For lunch I pigged out at Food Shui which is an asia place and had the limon peper bowl with tofu. I do not know why so many people are turned off by tofu, I enjoy it.

Then I went home to feed the dogs, do some laundry, and finish my homework. I must have watched 3hours of youtube videos.... I am addicted.

Then off to work at GNC. I do like working there and tonight I learn how to cloths the store. I went in early to the mall to buy some more glutamine and use my employ discount. A 2lb bottle originally for 75bucks on clearance since it expiers by June (it will be finished by next month).

A breath of fresh air

The morning ritual of fruit, protein, and then to the gym.

Today was a tricep day and what a great workout it was. I did four different workouts as usual and at the end of the workout my arms felt swollen. I like that feeling. It makes me feel like my arms are growing and that I did a good job working out.

I had my post workout mix of protein, creatine, and glutamine, then I had some cottage cheese and chips. It does not sound like a good combo but I like it.

Then water, water, water. Staying hydrated is very important while taking creatine. 

I had made me some pasta with chicken for dinner. I accidentally spilled my pasta into the sink while I was trying to strain it. I had to scoop out the pasta then wash it.. omg I can not believe it happen... again.

Its a low key night and I am excited about working out tomorrow morning

It cant rain all the time

This morning I woke up tired but in a good mood. I had some fruit and a morning protein drink before going to the gym. At the gym I did not feel tired nor super psyched. I had a great bicep workout without the help of Jack 3D. I am very proud of myself about that. 
I started off with a PYRAMID workout using the preacher bench. To my surprise the max weight I documented in December was very lite and I had to increase the amount to lift with. I started off with 35lbs but I should have started with 55lbs.
After that I did a set of hammers using 20lbs and 25lbs and learned that I have been doing them wrong for the past 2 years.... OMG! Apparently I have been raising the dumb bells to high. Then my favorite bicep workout, the single curl using an incline bench. I can really feel it when I do this workout. I used 30lbs and 35lbs dumb bells. I finsihed my bicep workout using cables. I lifted 25lbs to 30lbs. No cardio or abs today.

Once I was home I had my post work protein drink and feasted on lots of pasta.

I got ready to work at the nursing home which I really didnt want to go to. Its sad, this job is the second job I have ever worked out were I dread in going to. While at work I was sent to a different hall, which was ok by me and I went with the flow until a residents family got made at me because I got their loved one up to early according to them for dinner. I explained that I got her up since she is in the first room and that if they wish I will put her back to sleep until its time for her to eat, which was in 45mins. The family members spend 10 minutes lecturing me that I am not doing things right, that they come all the time to see her and she never gets up this early, ect, ect, ect,. Long story short the rest of the staff and my charge nurse didnt know that she was not to get up until 5pm and not 4pm like the staff has always done for the past 6 months I have worked there.

I had enough for the BS given to me, I had enough of being under paid, I had enough of being over worked,  I decided to put in my two weeks notice.

I was so frustrated about everything about the nursing home that I skipped my protein drink and headed to Wendy's where I had a double cheese burger and fries. 
 The last 2 1/2 hours at work went by fast. At the end of my shift I wrote my letter of resignation. I felt liberated and I felt justified. In my letter I did express my gratitude that they hired me and allowed me to learn. I explained that I will continue to help PRN until the end of two weeks which will end this month and by February I will not longer be employed by Tri Sun.
What a horrible place to live and to work at. There are to many residents in the hall and two aides in the hall is not enough people to give proper care or attention to residents. But these facilities like Tri Sun are cheap and expect one person to take care of 16 people. Out of those 16 people give 5 of them showers. Out of these 16 people there are several that must be rotated to prevent bedsores, out of those 16 you must try to have every ones teeth brushed which usually does not get done. Out of those 16 several are hoyer lifts and 2 aides must be present to use the hoyer to lift the resident out of the bed and into their wheel chair or back in bed.


 Now I can focus on the GNC store and learning about the produces they offer. Now that I will no longer work for the nursing home I will have plenty of time for my home work and studies.


After work I had 3 hot dogs and some water. I will wait til I am ready for bed to drink my last protein drink. Go Beef Cake, Beef Cake! 


 I pray that the Gods will hear me and open the path so I can finish the nursing program and go back to a clinic and make some BIG money and work regular business house and get my weekends off!!!! 

what now???

Its been two days since I went to the day. Yesterday and today has been busy. Tomorrow morning there is no question about it, I have to get some cardio and some kind of lift.

I am going to be soon so I can wait up early and eat some fruit and have a morning protein drink before going to the gym.

I am a bit disappointed in myself for not going but I guess thats life. Now I have home work to add to the list of things to do.

Thinking about SIZE

Today was my off day from the gym and boy did I need an off day. My legs are still hurting from Fridays workout, my shoulders are still tender from Saturdays workout, but my chest feels firm from Sundays workout.

 This morning I went to work and had an apple and later on a protein bar. I did not and still have not had my protein drink. For lunch I came home and made me some hot dogs but once again I over did it. I had 5 hot dogs with buns and cheese and I eat a whole can of chilli with it.

I thought about going to the gym for cardio but instead I took a nap. I feel guilty for eating the way I did but at the same time I feel like my body needed a break and wanted to indulge. 

 So no gym but I did get a nap. Since today is my off day I watched YouTube videos about fitness and training. 

I started to think about what my over all goals are. I can not gain the weight like I want and my waist line is getting bigger. I have been so used to wearing scrubs I didnt know I am a size 34 or so. All of my cloths are size 31 to 33 and I have only been wearing my loose baggy jeans instead of my nice cloths for some time.

 I know that I am not gonna become a body builder but I can at lease have a toned and athletic body.

So is it possible to push moderate cardio, take supplements, and slim down while building muscle????

Most people say no but I think I am going to give it a shot. I believe as long as I eat well without going over board like today and continue all my supplements and stay focus on the gym by lifting heavy in a few months I will have the body I want.

Dog hair in my Creatine

This morning I did not want to get out of bed. My legs were so sore from Fridays workout. I was so tired but I got up had my morning protein drink and an apple. Before leaving to the gym I usually pack a small canister for my protein and creatine to take after my workout.... well surprisingly there was dog hair in my creatine bottle!!! 

I didnt drink any Jack 3D today but I did take the Modern BCAA while I worked out. It was a chest day. I tired to lift as much as I could but once again I forgot to bring my MAX cheat sheet which has my lifting stats. I lifted what I could remember.

My shoulders hurt and my legs hurt... I feel like I was in a fight with a kangaroo and lost. Today I was off from GNC and the nursing home. I did feel out some application to Gold's Gym... maybe I will get a job there and leave the nursing home... that would be fun.

 I really do not know why I have not received any calls from clinics or doctors for clinical help. I figured I was a shoe in from my experience and training.

Well life goes on and I am sure things will work its self out.

Never to Late

So today I work up and had my protein drink following four eggs and tortillas. I relaxed most of the morning and then had a Colossal protein bar. I got dressed and I thought I was scheduled at the nursing home but when I arrived my name was not on the schedule. I took it upon myself to check out GNC at High Land Mall because the manager at the GNC near my house told me that they are looking for additional help.

Today my prays have been answered, I got hired at GNC and I start tomorrow. It does not pay well but I will also get commission for the products I sell.

Pro: I get 30% off the store produces and I will get to learn more about supplement nutrition and workout tips.
Con: I have to wear a white dress shirt..... I will look like a waiter.
Pro: Its a different environment from my medical background.
Con: more money by commission.
Pro: Easy work and flexible hours.

This got me motivated so I hit the gym and worked out on quads and gluts. I started with some cardio then light weight squats using a 50lb barbell and a flat bench to make sure I am using good form. I did this for twelve reps of two setsthen went up on weight to 60lbs for another twelve reps of two sets

After this I stacked on the weight and used a machine hack lift. I started off simple with 180lbs for twelve reps and two sets then increased to 270lbs. I did this weight for ten reps of one set. I increased again by adding 50lbs making it a total of 320lbs at eight reps of one set. I felt fatigue so I decreased back to 270lbs for one last set of 10 reps.

I then did some lunges and dumb bell squats. I started to get tired after my second set and my legs started to quiver. I was drenched in sweat partly because I did take two scoops of Jacked 3D and hour prior to working out.

I finished and did some stretches and drank my creatine mix. Once I was home I downed another protein drink. I am debating whether or not to drink the casein protein right before bed or not... I dont want to keep getting up at night to piss.

I guess I will flip a coin to see

Good Night.

Sleepy Eyes and the nothingness

Today I must have sent out my resume to several address from Craigs List. I also went to several clinics in Austin and dropped off my resume.

I really want to get another job. I hate my current job even though I enjoy helping my residents.

I have ate so much today and just keep saying "Im bulking up."

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The Big Day

Last night I could not go to sleep. Could it have been my allergies keeping me up? Could it have been the cold air coming the room... which later turns out the window was open? Or could it have to do with todays job interview?

Last night I had a dream that my dogs were talking to me in English. I asked one to push the dirty back into an area the other dog dug up. She then told me "why, its not her mess and she was not the one digging." Weird.

I got up and had some toast and water... yum, yeah right. Then double checked the address to the clinic for my interview. I hope it goes well and I hope I get the position and start soon.

I got a text from an old coworker that she got her thyroid removed early this morning. She sent me pictures but my phone did not open them.

The interview went well and I meet all of the staff including the doctors.The woman interviewing me was a PA there and she did have my resume but also wanted me to fill out a application. I may bestarting next week, I hope so.

I returned home and made a huge breakfast and by huge I mean I ate like 8 eggs. I am about to drink a protein drink. I may visit the old residents at the old nursing home I worked for and hit the gym.

I am feeling a bit thick in my waist line, lol.

So today I had 15min of cardio and worked out on biceps. I did three different bicep workouts. I did lift simi heavy, that is to say I have lifted heavier before. I also did a set of abs.

My biceps and abs are sore this morning.

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Bad Plan

I wonder how and why I can get so angry when things do not go my way. Am I that much of a brat that i need my way or is it just behavior which has been conditioned into being this way.

to make a long story short i got pissed off this morning because I have been up since 930am waiting for my friends to text they are wanting to get lunch and for my partner to wake up.

Another day not at the gym.. i wonder if there is a connection.

So work was alright.. my residents are the same. Not wanting to bathe, not want eat, and not wanting to follow my directions. Oh well.

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Everyday is Exactly the Same

What can I say, no gym today despite feeling better, I have a lot of nasal congestion.

So more Stargate SG1 and then work.

While at work I felt I was in the twilight zone, my residents were out of control.

So yesterday one of my residents grand daughter who must be at lease 25 years old flipped out of control and was yelling at me. Let me start at the beginning, it must have been about 3:30 and she had made a very derogative comment about  my job title while I passed them by. She said something that went along like, "They can not help they are just aides!" Keep in mind she does no talk, no she yells out everything she says... very loud. I kept going to get the paper work I needed for my hall. When I walked back the call light for her grand mothers room was on. I went in and asked is there anything I can do. She then demanded with a loud voice, "You need to cut my grand mothers pull up because her right leg is to big!" I was a bit confused and I asked why don't we get her a bigger size of pull ups or even a diaper/brief instead. Her eyes got big and said, "no, I need the legs cut the other aides have done this." Given the fact I had five residents that need showers I did not want to cut her pull ups, it is not in my job description, and then she said she will do it her self. I then said thats fine because I am not going to do it.

I then went to my nurse to explain what happen and that she was very loud, aggressive, and very rude to me just to ask that she wants me to cut those pull ups. She was right behind me and started yelling again saying yes that what she said and that is what she wants done. My nurse took care of it for me.

What a crazy bitch.

Well she was back again today and she was cutting those pull ups right infront of me with her bare hands... psycho!

The usually happen, residents need to be feed, bathe, changed, and then put to sleep.... this is the worse job ever. I am looking forward to my interview on Monday morning.

BILLS and more BILLS

Today is payday and what happens.... I need to pay my bills including a new student loan. About 4 to 5 years ago I took out two loans, from from a private group, the other was from Sallie Mai... well Sallie Mai wants her money and my interest build up is getting out of control.

This morning I got up to get money out of the bank and to buy the book I need for the spring semester. I must have waiting for 10 minuts out side the book store waiting for them to open. I saw people inside and figured they were in a meeting which is running behind. Then the campus police passed by then she can back around. She asked me if I needed help and I explained to her that I am waiting for the book store to open. She then laughed and informed me that they are closed and dispite that there are people working inside.
How embarassing!

Since they were closed I went to Bevos and rented my textbook... only 80bucks... sweet deal!

No I was off to get some breakfast tacos and then to relax at home.

Good news!!! Just as I arrived for work I recieved a call for a job interview on Monday.... wish me luck!

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Wishing, on a star.

So another day of rest before going to work. Soon I will get back into the groove of going to the gym. work went well nothing to complain about but the aide working with me could be more independent and helped out a little bit harder.

I am so tired of that place.

Still no calls about job offers. I hope I find another job before end of the month. I need to make some real MONEY!!! I feel that by working for this place I am loosing money and not making any.

Have I saved any.... no.

Have I got to bought nice things for myself or others.... no.

Its so sorry.

I remember when I was making enough for myself and had extra to save but now I can not do it.

So I have been watching a lot of movies recently because I have been sick. Today I watched EASY A. So funny!!!!!! I wish life could be more like the movies, I wish that I was the star and everyone focus on me and with a life lesson learned my wishes will be answered.

I can still dream at lease.

Good night.

The Rode to Recovery

I have been sick for the past five days. I went to the doctors office today and they just gave me lots of meds to take but said my flu test came back negative.

What misery it has been. The headaches, the sneezing, couching up mucus, bodyaches, and the hot flashes.

I have more energy today were I can get up and clean up and leave the house but I find myself back in bed tired. I am planning on going into work tomorrow... I hope I have the strength.

I think its taken me so long to get better because I can not stay asleep. I did take cough syrup and benadryle but I am up 30minutes later.

So I missed New Years Eve and all the partys, I missed my friends show, I missed two days of work, I lost 4lbs since I have been sick, and what else, oh yeah how could I forget I had the worse headache ever.

I finally felt better and went back to work on Wednesday. I worked with Melissa on a different hall and it went by smooth but Melissa was doing all the work because the residents prefered a female aide. I did text the scheduling person and told her the situation, she only replied back thanks thats good to know... I go in tonight and back on my hall.

So i have been sending my resume out online and going to clinics but nothing. This morning I got a call from a group called SCH I think. They wanted to know how much I was looking for and if I am interested working at an "on call" basis. I said yes.

i am craving French toast.... time for breakfast.

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